1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
