someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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