Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
