i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
