So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
