Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
