Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
