i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
