He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
