Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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