Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
