my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
