reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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