im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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