Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
