You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
