she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Also, beer. Big fan.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
