Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
