belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
