Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
