Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
