I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
