It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
