Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Dick very happy bro
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
