Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
