she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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