her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
