you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
