Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
