don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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