i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Randomize
