I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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