I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
