yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
