were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
