Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
