She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
