shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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