what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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