So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
