there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
