i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
