That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
