I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
