At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
