You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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