Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
