Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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