Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
