your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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