We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I need a beard to bite.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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