She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
