I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Someone shattered a urinal.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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