I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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